i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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