she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
