This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
