dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
