I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I CAN MOONWALK!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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