When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We're too hungover to prance.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
