ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
