Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
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