i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
