this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
