I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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