it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
