Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
