you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
