Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
