At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
