i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
