So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
