My friends, they love my intelligence
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
