she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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