Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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