Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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