So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
