i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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