Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
