If that was your dad, he is hot
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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