How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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