My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
