Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
