he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
