If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize