So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
