Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's official drugs can't kill me
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
