we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
