you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
