So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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