Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
