Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
