i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
