i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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