The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize