I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
