if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
