Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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