God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
