Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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