Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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