So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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