Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
