I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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