So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
