its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
