Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
