yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
