What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
