so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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