In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
