Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
