I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
time to smoke my breakfast
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
