after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize