So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
