ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
