WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
only you would photoshop your dick
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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