My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
