You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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