I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
