I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
