I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
