I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
birth control should be required to get into college
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize