a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
