Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
