I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
this must be what syphilis tastes like
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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