I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
