just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
