I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
