I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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