Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dignity is for republicans.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
