Please, let me fuck your mom
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Randomize
