I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You need Xanax blowdarts
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
