i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
