My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
