I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
