from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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